Two Biggies - Forgive and Don't Let Rotten Words Come Out of Your Mouth

Grasping these two concepts and learning why they are crucial to 'love' was a big thing in our marriage and family, and in our relationships with others. It is a daily learning process and can be fine in one area of life, such as work, but then fails at home or the family. Yet, it is crucial to control in the marriage, with friends, in public, or in the other circles we are a part of.

Forgiveness

These are two seemingly simple concepts, but they are extremely difficult to do because they go against our natural nature. Some would say it impossible to do these things. Without forgiveness, we get hurt by others, and those hurts reach our heart and cause bitterness. It doesn't feel good. Then if we don't deal with it, the bitterness seems to fade, but it turns our hearts to stone towards the offender, and can lead to anger, wrath, and demands action, retaliation, retribution, payback. It can grow to the point where we spew foul words about the person or persons whe did it to us, and we have nothing good to say about them. Lying dormant, the anger resurfaces when we see that person again and the relationship becomes dysfunctional. It can be awkward, cold, or turns into a fight. If left alone it grows into a hardened wall between the parties involved.

But to forgive is to "give" up the right to payback the offender, in any measure, for what they've done to you. Why bother? We live in a brutal world, where each offense is returned with another equal or greater payback. If the hurt grows, and our hearts are filled with hurts from the past , then the retaliation is even fair, but disproportionately larger. This cycle continues until there is a war, on a personal level or on a national level. When we are forgiven, it brings life into us, unmerited, unwarranted, which is an act of grace by another in an act that seeks to resore the relationship because of true love.

The bible says that God will payback all hurtful, hurtful actions everyone has done and that people will get what they deserve. But, because of His love, and the bible says His mercy comes before judgement and condemnation, and we accept the high price paid for sins by Christ on the cross. That is the life-giving forgiveness, a grace which comes from God along with payment for the consequences of our sins.

Saying No Rotten Words

Don't let any rotten words come out of our mouths. This is hard to do because we reflexively react to hurts and say what we feel. And everything around us in the world, movies and entertainment, other people, our parents, can teach us and reinforce within us rotten language patterns. Deeper down, the bible says what's in our heart comes out in our words. So, hearts not totally clean are the source of unclean, or rotten words. And, as we saw with unforgiveness, there can be a lot of hurts in there - some stretching back to childhood. I don't know if it's possible, but if we could see the spiritual structure of our hearts, having grown up in a hurtful world - being hurt and being hurtful towards others from birth. It would probably look pretty tangled, dark, and hostile with walls up towards others who hurt us, with a hardened heart. With all the hurts, it is understandable that hurtful words would come out. This is not as originally planned by the creator of it all. The walls are so high that we are separated from even a knowledge of God from birth. Fortunately God made reconnecting simple, that a child can come to Him.

The bible talks a lot about forgiveness, separation, bitterness, and relationships aspects. For example, Ephesians chapter 4 talks about relationship aspects, check it out. Don't just take this writers word for it. Pray for help, ask God for forgiveness, learn what true forgiveness is and then learn how to forgive others. We benefit from that more than anyone.

Contrary about what people say about God being unknowable, the bible has stated since the time of Christ, Year 0 AD ( Anno Domini, in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ) 2006 years ago in the new testament, that Jesus said we must be like childrein - or it is so easy a child can do it.

To start a relationship with, and know God, it simply involves sincerely believing that our sins, which have separated us from God and his love, were paid for on the cross by God's son Jesus Christ, which cost Him dearly, and then as Easter celebrates, Christ rose from the dead after 3 days, demonstating God's resurrecting power, now freely available to all who believe in His goodness. But, wait, we are not children, but rather old, jaded, darkened and hardened adults. Well, if we are unable at this time, He is patient, having waited all our lives. And, we can rely on His promise that if we earnestly seek Him, that we shall find Him. "Seek and you shall find, knock and it will be opened to you!" Talk to Him privately, you don't need a televangelist or a church to look to Him, only a willing heart. I was in my living room on the couch when I called on Him. See below if you want these steps.

Why Forgiveness is So Important

"Because you're 6 years old," says Jessica, age 6.

Whether 6 or 60, everyone needs forgiveness.

"I don't know what that is, but my mom and dad does," says Trey, 6.

I'm glad for your mom and dad, Trey, but I hope by the end of this column, you'll know, too.

"Forgiveness is important because everyone makes mistakes like your friends," says Erike, 10. "If you didn't forgive them, you wouldn't have any friends." Also, adds Adriane, 10, "If there was no forgiveness, the whole world would be mad."

Adriane, I'm not sure whether you mean "mad" as in angry or "mad" as in cuckoo, but either would fit. Holding onto a grudge will drive you bonkers.

"If you hit someone, you have to say 'excuse me,'" says Brandon, 6. "If you hit someone in the stomach, you have to say 'sorry.'"

I'm not sure if Brandon intends to create a special category with its own responses for blows to the stomach, but in either case, "excuse me" and "sorry" are essential to the language of forgiveness.

"Forgiveness solves the whole problem, and you don't get into a fight," concludes Carson, 6. If you forgive, "you can keep friends and families," says Justin, 10. "You can be happy, not grumpy."

And who wants to be around someone who's Grumpy? Unless it's required because you're playing a part in "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," you'll do yourself and those around you a great favor by maintaining a cheerful, forgiving attitude that forgets all past hurts and wrongs. You always lose by keeping score and trying to get even.

A man once said that whenever his wife gets mad, she gets historical. An elephant's memory for past wrongs, however, is not limited to one gender. Men do it, too.

The key to forgiving others is receiving forgiveness, says Mary, 11: "If Jesus had not forgiven us, we would not have the opportunity of eternal life. Jesus showed us forgiveness by dying and suffering on the cross. What can you do to show forgiveness?"

Mary, this is the question Christians should ask every day. Because our sins have been forgiven, we should be looking for ways to show forgiveness and grace to others. Jesus said he didn't come into the world to condemn the world, and neither should we.

Probably the most despised group of people in Jesus' day was the tax collectors. They were considered cheats and traitors to Israel. Religious people were shocked when Jesus dined with them.

Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick need one, said Jesus to these critics. One of the "sick," Matthew the tax collector, became well by receiving Jesus' forgiveness. He then left a life of greed to follow Jesus as one of his 12 apostles.

"Forgiveness is important because if you don't get forgiveness, you will be without love," says Karoline, 9. "Forgiveness is love," concludes J.G., 8.

We must forgive "so we can become like God," says Casey, 8.

Yes, be like God and forgive, or you'll set yourself up as a god and crush people by judging and condemning them. You'll also doom yourself to a life of solitary confinement because no one will want to come near you.

Let God be God by receiving his forgiveness and becoming a channel of forgiveness.

We'll let Marcy, 6, give us the bottom line: "Forgiveness pleases God, and I like to please God."

Point to ponder: Jesus gave his life for our forgiveness.

Scripture to remember: "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13).

Question to consider: If we've received the Lord's forgiveness to enter heaven, shouldn't we forgive offenses against us on Earth?

Carey Kinsolving is a syndicated columnist, producer, author, speaker and website developer. To see more material like this, visit http://www.KidsTalkAboutGod.org. The Kids Talk About God website contains free, online content for children and families. See Carey’s Kid TV Interviews. Print free lessons from the "Kids Color Me Bible" and make your own book. Let an 11-year-old girl take you on a trip around the world in the Mission Explorers Streaming Video. Print Scripture verses illustrated by child artists. Receive a complimentary, weekly e-mail subscription to our Devotional Bible Lessons.

Bible quotations in this Bible lesson are from the New King James Version.

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